As some of you may be aware, I deactivated my facebook account. I have attempted to do this before but it only lasted 2 weeks if I remember. Without getting too personal on the world wide web, I've been earnestly praying for a way to heal from some things that have happened to me in my past that are keeping me from living a life full of joy and happiness. Issues that have come more to the surface since I made the commitment to marry for time and all eternity. I've longed to be free from them, but have had a hard time rooting out the exact problem or the exact solution.
But in my prayers lately, I kept getting a nagging feeling that I needed to put technology and media aside and simplify my life more. I started with small steps a couple of weeks ago by deleting a bunch of apps/games so I am no longer tempted to waste my time on that. I only get on pinterest for 10 minutes a day instead of an hour or two, but facebook has always been my vice. And I realized today why that was. I'm afraid of feeling utterly alone during the day when It's just me and Janen. My situation has made it harder than usual to make friends or to feel like I really belong. I know I have many wonderful friends out there, but the problem is they are too far away at the moment. But I've been praying for the strength to be ok with letting go and trusting that this step will lead me to where I need to be spiritually to receive the much needed guidance in my life. Not only to make friends and be happy with where I am, but to help me heal from the past and find forgiveness for those who have hurt me.
So I decided to commit myself to a 30 day cleanse or fast so to speak from Facebook. I will check my email twice a day, in the morning and evening and only keep up with blog posts from close friends and family as well as try to post about my family once a week. You may see me on pinterest pinning recipes (which I genuinely and actually use), but it won't be much. Some people are absolutely great about keeping their technology/internet use to a minimum. James is one of those people. Sometimes it's weeks before he logs onto facebook. He's never felt like he needed it as much as I have. I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that he comes from a loving family. He's always felt secure in their love. I want to feel that too.
Ever since I read President Monson's biography over Christmas time, I've wanted to simplify my life more. Reading about his life has been a tremendous inspiration to me. I just needed the guts or faith to let go of something that may seem so trivial to others, but hard for me. To need social interaction on the web to not feel lonely is just crazy. So I'm doing something about it. I'm taking the necessary steps to simplify my life more.
Who knows, maybe I will never get back on again. But at this point, I'm taking it one day at a time. I need to turn to my personal prayers and scripture study more and more and rely less on the interaction of my social network friends for comfort.
Best of luck to you in your Facebook cleanse. It is a hard thing to step away from and I've thought about doing it too. Sometimes I feel like that is the only way I talk to people, but I am getting better about calling or sending people text messages rather than reading about their lives on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteI know how it feels to need the social interaction that Facebook provides and it really helps me to go to playgroups,church activities, and sometimes even the park or something during the day when I'm home with the kids.
I hope that your are able to find forgiveness for those who have hurt you and feel the love that your eternal family has for you.
Hey Jess. Good luck with the facebook cleanse. :) I don't think there's anything crazy about turning to friends (whether on facebook or not) for comfort though. We women need our gal pals. And facebook is a very convenient way of getting that interaction when you have little ones and it's harder to socialize with your friends in person as much. I understand where you are coming from. Just want you to know you're not crazy. :) Good luck with simplifying your life though. I'm constantly trying to do that too. :)
ReplyDeleteRachel
Jessica I am so proud of you. You are so amazing to be so in tune with the spirit and to be so committed to being an amazing daughter of Heavenly Father and growing in your potential. I need to be more like you. :)
ReplyDeleteLove you so much!