Pregnacy #1 vs Pregnancy #2

I am in my 14 week of pregnancy with this little buggar and I seriously hate being pregnant. I never thought I would hate it more. With Janen i was miserably hugging the toilet puking up everything that entered my body for several painful weeks. No really, EVERYTHING! From week 10 to week 12, I lost 5 pounds. When my doctor noticed the weight loss she asked me how my morning sickness was. I told her I was throwing up anywhere from 4 to 12 times a day. She said that was not normal and asked if I wanted anti-nausea medicine. YES! YES I DO!!! The prescription was immediately filled and relief came within a week. I say a week because although my nausea was pretty much gone with the help of this magic pill, I suffered from an awful headache for the first week as my body was adjusting to it. But once that was all done, I felt sooooo much better. I could enjoy life again! I could stand up for more than a few minutes without having to rush to the toilet. I could take showers again without violently dry-heaving even when I tried to shower in luke-warm water. I even got bored being at home and got a part-time job when I was 16 weeks pregnant. I was so grateful that the "hardest part" of pregnancy was over.

So I pledged to myself that when/if I ever got pregnant again. I would visit the doctor right away and beg for a prescription right off the bat in case I was to suffer the same fate with the first. At 5 weeks pregnant I had my first visit and since the doctor was aware of my history, she gladly prescribed the medicine for me. Over 2 weeks went by and except for a cold, I was feeling pretty good. I was so hopeful. But then started the awful all day puking at 7 weeks. joy. So we filled the prescription and I immediately started taking them hoping for semi-instant relief like I experienced the first time around. Not the case, but then again, I didn't start taking the zofran with janen until i was over 12 weeks. I thought, "oh maybe this is how it would've been if i took it earlier with my first pregnancy. I mean I was pretty sick in the beginning." So I anxiously waited for 12 weeks to hit with this pregnancy hoping that it would somewhat the same.

Granted, I am still grateful for the Zofran, but it barely curbs the vomiting. I feel sick to my stomach the majority of the time. I dry-heave profusely and my mouth waters often as if I was about to vomit (know what I'm talking about). So although the throwing up is limited to just a couple of times a week, it doesn't mean that I feel better than when i was pregnant with Janen. The fact that it is lingering way longer really irks me. I am over 14 weeks and still feel awful even with the medicine. What the heck?!  And the hardest part is having a toddler to look after. I feel extremely guilty every single moment that our days only consist of lounging around, Kid-Friendly movies and shows, books and drawing in the bathtub with markers when I can stand being upright for more than 20 minutes. Not to mention that my house is seriously out of control. About once every week, I have a no sick day. Hallelujah for those! That day is spent all day doing laundry and cleaning everything from top to bottom only for my house to look like a complete disaster again not even two days later. How depressing right?

But let's look on the bright side. I am able to take part in a beautiful process that quite frankly just blows my mind. I know that this is a gift to be able to bear a child and I don't want to ever forget that. I have been able to feel the baby move a few times in the quiet moments of the night and it helps remind me that this is truly all worth it. I am grateful to have had those moments. And sometimes when I don't feel sick, I worry that something is wrong with the baby so somewhere in the back of my twisted mind, I ask God for a sign that the baby is alright only to start feeling really sick in an hour.  Sometimes you get what you ask for.

It also helps when I think about the beautiful baby I will get to hold and kiss. I've been going back and watching videos of Janen when she was a tiny infant and it helps me stay on the positive side. Once again I will get to hold a beautiful being who isn't trying to leap out my arms. That is truly something to look forward to!